June 18, 2002

I am in trouble.

I wrote a charming e-mail in response to the planet out ad of a guy named L.R.; shockingly, I found myself able to forgive his not-quite-perfect grammar and spacing because of his favorable reference to TV psychic Miss Cleo and his use of the word “trend-mongering.” He wrote a charming e-mail in response to my charming e-mail mentioning, among other things, that if we met he would regale me with stories of a night of debauchery with the Go-Gos. I responded by saying that, though I had nothing nearly as glamorous as the Go-Gos to share, I could sing “Colors Of The Wind” from Pocahontas in French.

The problem is that he took me seriously and will expect me to do so.

Of course I can sing “Colors Of The Wind” in French; that’s not the issue. The issue is that the French version sucks. I mean, the French itself is fine, but the text-setting is terrible&#151:the rhymes all fall in the wrong places and the stresses are all on the wrong syllables.

So what if he thinks I think it’s good? Then he will believe I’m a loser who doesn’t even know proper French pronunciation. Do I give a disclaimer before I start? Do I just go really fast and hope he doesn’t notice?

I’m at a loss here.

I would greatly appreciate any advice you might be able to give me.