June 14, 2002

Tonight I attended my first orgy.

My morals waved to the Whatchamacallit and Hands Across America as they passed them on the way down.

As soon as we started, I realized I had made a terrible, terrible mistake in deciding to attend. I am always miserable at any kind of party, because I am torn between interacting with the uncool people (on the one hand) to make sure they feel included and have a good time and interacting with the cool people (on the other hand) so I can pretend I’m not a huge loser dork. The end result is that my efforts to include the uncool people fail, because my heart really wants to be with the cool people, who ignore me, both because they see me hanging out with the uncool people and because they can tell in any case that I am a huge loser dork.

So imagine me in this situation with a bunch of naked men having sex.

It was just the worst thing ever.

Until the unthinkable happened—somehow I became one of the cool people. I’m not quite sure what I did to make this happen. (Well, actually, I have a pretty good idea what I did, but some veils are better left unlifted.) So I was able to include the uncool people in an actually meaningful way, since it wasn’t a huge loser dork who was trying to include them—this made me feel very virtuous, which was strange, given the circumstances—and yet I still got to luxuriate in the attention I got as one of the cool people. I feel loved. I can’t wait to start snubbing the uncool people because they wear the wrong clothes.

Though of course that wasn’t really an issue in this particular situation.

So after we had tried various things for about an hour and a half, we took a break for munchies. We talked about the following things: real estate, Buffy, and Disney. Gay, gay, gay.

Then we went and had more sex.

Except there was also drama. One of the guests, who arrived late, had gotten himself invited by pretending he wanted to come to the orgy, but when he got there it turned out that he was actually tracking his boyfriend to find out if he was being cheated on (which of course he was). They had a big fight and then made up and went home.

Also I have started knitting a hat, which is much more challenging than a scarf.