Yesterday, Time Warner Cable tried to ruin my life.
Apparently, when you are a road runner (cable modem) customer and you move, they have to close your e-mail account and open a new one. Don’t ask me why; I’m not sure the guy on the other end of the phone who was trying to explain it to me was a carbon-based life form, much less proficient in the English tongue. In any case, when your account is closed, all your e-mail on the server gets deleted. Since they weren’t going to be able to send a technician to my new apartment for two weeks (perhaps the technicians are all at a peace conference in Zurich), I very very very very very clearly asked “Michael” (the “person” on the phone) not to shut down my account until the technician had already come, so that for the next two weeks I would be able to use my old e-mail account, and prepare my friends, neighbors, and potential soul mates for this switch.
So of course, instead of waiting two weeks, he sent the shut-down order immediately after we hung up.
This means that I lost all the e-mail that had been sent to me over the last two days. Now, luckily for me, I had checked my e-mail right before calling him, and I remembered some of the people who’d e-mailed me. But there are other e-mails I don’t remember or don’t have the addresses for, including one person who e-mailed me telling me how much she liked my blog. So if you are reading this and you e-mailed me yesterday or the day before to tell me how much you liked my blog and I didn’t answer you, it’s not because I am a rude jerk—it’s all Time Warner Cable’s fault, and please e-mail me again.
Far, far, far worse, however, is the thought of what happened to any e-mails that might have been sent between 4:55 p.m. yesterday (when I last checked my e-mail) and 5:29 (when my account was shut off). Those e-mails are gone forever, and I don’t even know that they were sent.
What if my soul mate read my blog and e-mailed me at 5:17? I will never get that e-mail, so I will never respond to it, and he will think I don’t care about him or didn’t like the font he used or something, and he will never e-mail me again, and I will never, ever meet him and it’ll be just too fucking bad.
Every employee of Time Warner Cable is going to burn in the eternal fires of hell for this.
Okay, now I have to go buy dishes.
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