The best thing I have discovered in my lackadaisical Christmas shopping is this, a solid gold replica of the One Ring from The Lord of the Rings.
I think they’re missing out on some marketing possibilities: “You, too, can own the source of all evil in the world for five easy payments of just $59.99!”
So of course I bought five.
Not being able to afford the solid gold kind, I got the cheap kind that turns your finger green if you actually put it on. But presumably if the people I give them to as gifts put them on, they will become invisible and therefore discolored fingers will not be an issue.
Can you imagine the thank you notes I’ll get?
“Dear Faustus,
“Thank you very much for the Ring of Power. As you may know, I am finding it very helpful in my quest to dominate the world. My favorite use for it so far has been to find the three rings for elven kings, the seven for the dwarf lords, and the nine for mortal men, and in the darkness bind them. I look forward to hours of fun creating Ringwraiths of men foolish enough to believe my deceitful promises.
“Wishing you a joyous holiday season, I am sincerely yours, etc., etc.”
Maybe I should have knitted people socks instead. Or given them lube.
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